i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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