I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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