@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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