WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize