i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think my fart just growled at me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize