I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
are you so shy because you have an std?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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