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wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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