My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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