I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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