we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
how does that bad decision feel?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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