Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize