im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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