Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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