Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize