Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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