I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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