your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize