She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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