I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize