I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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