i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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