My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize