UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
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Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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