I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
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i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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