soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
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Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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