Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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