There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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