Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize