Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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