Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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