my mouth tastes like poor choices
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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