i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
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my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
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I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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