Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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