Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize