Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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