Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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