Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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