I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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