i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize