You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize