Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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