Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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