Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize