I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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