Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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