Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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