you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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