I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
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I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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