maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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