he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize