Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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